Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 1--'Hello'

I suppose I should introduce myself. That seems fit at a time like this. Most people welcome each other when first meeting, with the same dull traditions. Exchange of names. Smiles. maybe even a handshake. Ive learned to display these acts when first meeting people. So maybe I should do it here as well. My name is...Well call me Andromeda. Its so very nice to meet you. I grew up in a small town. A perky little southern town if I do say so myself. Everyone was always sprinting back and forth for simple reasons. The rat race bigger cites face. Wasn't ever the case here. Just a mere mundane existence. From the very first time in my childhood I remember not wanting to make friends. To busy. To different. I felt that everyone around me seemed to be pawns. Just a chess piece on the tile of life. Whats my next move going to be..Whats going to be their counter attack? I always thought that I was lacking something. Maybe it was emotion. Maybe it was just a lack of connection. Every other child could connect to someone else. They all could identify themselves. Some of the children even displayed countless amounts of emotions. From being sad one moment. To smiling the next. What was it I was lacking? Why could I never seem to connect with my own self. Sometimes people even felt grief for their actions guilt and remorse as if they were bothered by the emotions they made someone else feel. I could never quite get it right. Though I did study more and more and try to become normal. I had to teach myself a lot of the traits and emotions others seemed to grip naturally. I had to try to make friends or at least act like I enjoyed their company.  I seemed to do quite well. As most never noticed the act or mask I wore. As time grew on. People became more and more interested in the opposite sex. This seemed to be a burden. For it always conflicted with my own personal self. I was never much of the 'dating' type. I was never really seen though. I tried to avoid the existence  of myself. Locked away with notes. Notes...My saving grace. Everything must be planed. Must be precise. I must keep this up. For if I slip. No one can catch me. This Hello is not really a Hello at all. But it is day 1. And we have so much more to talk about. I'm 28 now. And I think I have finally connected with myself. As most 'tweet' about what they had for dinner. You will sense a difference here. The normality you face. Is just a tilt I can't seem to straighten. Welcome to day 1.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Not sure?

I highly doubt any of these posts are what one would call interesting. Unless they can take the cold text displayed on this page. And fill it with the emotion that aided me to jot it down. I'm not to understanding of the changes occurring. Most times i am to caught up in the voices screaming at me each and everyday. Avoidance. Hmm. Thats something I've done a lot of over the last little bit. Small town calls for big drama. And I love to stay as far away from the spotlight as I can possibly get. I feel like I am constantly jumping hurtles to reach a undefined goal. One I think my mind made for me. But won't let me know its inner secrets. Where did all the emotion go? I tend to believe this is what emotion is like. But..Its always spacing. I did love someone once. Would of done anything for her. But as sad as it is. The one and only thing that ever brought a smile. Had to leave. I can't distinguish whats real. And whats not. And where did normal go?

I promise the next post will be better! Just a update to get my own mind off things more or less!

Will bring another blog around tomorrow guys :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Short update!

To drag you away from the long overbearing post. I decided I shall make a quick update on things. I recently drove 18 hours round trip to NC. Had an alright time. It could of been so much better. I caught up on a bit of Halo Reach today. Played some Slayer and Firefight. (Gotta love firefight)

I also started watching Dexter again. I love this show. In some sick twisted ways I can honestly relate to this guy. Emotions are fleeting. And when they come it hits full impact. Though I do believe this was self made. Unlike most sociopaths. But what would we really know about the minds of a killer? It could always be something different. Another fable we are always willing to believe.
But sometimes the path does lead to a pot of gold. Getting off topic here. Watch Dex if you haven't its well worth the time.

I also thought I would take the time to introduce you to my animals. Sadly one short from this picture as of now though.

The tan and white dog is Cain.
The black and brown dog is Zelda
And the kitty would be-Moo(RIP)

Ive always liked animals. For some reason I can stand to be around an animal. People are a different story. I can not stand most. Or I am always analyzing them. Why are they this way? Why are they so sure. Or are they? With animals I do not have to pretend. I don't have to put on a front. To appeal to a society that wouldn't welcome me if the mask was pulled away. And what laid dormant underneath it was exposed.

For the most part. This is about all that has been going on. Not much new. But not much different. I have some ideas for some blogs that some people may like. Or some might not. The lulz might be back soon enough. Everyone always likes to laugh. But this blog is titled "The Journey of me through the interwebz and life" For this reason. Life for me. Is strange. And viewed like a piece of art. Abstract as it is. We are always drawn back.

But I will ask you one thing before this pitch is over. What do YOU treasure most in life?

I wonder

I'd like you to take a trip with me. One without even having to leave the comfort of your own chair. The safe zone of your own self made normality. I want you to look at this picture. Within a second we have already made progress on our trip. This picture speaks to you in some sort of way. It might be telling you something of your childhood. Maybe it reminds you of times with your friends. Journey with me to your Childhood. To the beginning of you.  

I want you to think back with me. Think back to your first day of school. You can still remember the butterflies dancing in your stomach. Years and years have past to catch you up to the present but you can still fondly remember the sights and sounds of childhood. While Adult life is crowded by the mess and mingle of emotions you don't even understand. Childhood seems to be something we never dwell on much. Because as much as we hate to admit it. We know we will never see the bright days like we did when we were a child again

. During the ages of 3-6 we are setting up the building blocks to our future without us even knowing it. We are discovering what self esteem is and what it is to think for ourselves on a more mentally demanding scale. Though at this age we are still climbing the hill to Adult-Hood and are easily effected by what most people have to say. You have probably at this age started to find what you like to do besides what your parents tell you to. For example at this age. You are wanting to dress yourself in what you think looks suitable to describe the person you are becoming. Maybe your parents aided you in the process by allowing you to express yourself in short bursts. Or allowing you to pick whats for dinner that night. Did your parents show a general genuine interest in what you wanted as your own person. Or did that lay the hammer down. And tell you your life will run the way they allow it to. Fact is. If the parents didnt allow you to express yourself even for just bits at a time. You were already slowing losing yourself and trying to adapt to what everyone around you wanted. If you were being told no to certain simple tasks. Subconsciously you were feeling as though you couldn't do simple things. So did your parents allow you to become your own person. Or were you always caught up in the belief that everything needed to be done for someone else?  Traveling even further in time now. We have started to break away from our parents when others are around. But behind closed doors rely on them for almost everything.  Friend-Ship and understanding starts playing a role in this age of mental development. For at the root of all Humans we are social animals. We desire even if we don't see it. The want for social interaction. Though there is always a rule breaker. And some children fall away to discover everything on their own. Most times in school at a early age. We become friends with someone just because they like and enjoy one thing that we do. 'Utility friends' are friends that you seem to never know what happened to. Because as age progressed that one thing you used to enjoy doing. Slid away. And with that interest. So went the friend. But you may have noticed. You did have one or two friends that stood out. Because everything seemed to click and link together from the get go. These are called Character Friendships. In which you are known for being the person you are inside and out. And knowing them for the person they are inside and out. These are the friends you may of had up until High School. Or the one who became your best friend. 

Next to come is being a teenager. This is the time of life that sticks out like a neon flag in a dark room. You as a teenager. Are inclined to make rash decisions jump on the wagon for almost everything and never give anything a second thought. 

"The seat of such poor judgment might be found in the white matter microstructure in the brain's prefrontal cortex, says Marisa Silveri, PhD, a psychologist in Yurgelun-Todd's lab. The frontal cortex is associated with decision-making, insight, judgment and inhibitory control. Silveri, Yurgelun-Todd and colleagues use diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) to examine white matter microstructure, the part of the brain that's responsible for relaying signals between neurons in the gray matter. During adolescence, particularly in the frontal cortex, unneeded gray matter is pruned away and white matter, made up of axons covered by a lipid membrane known as myelin, increases.
"Similar to the concept of electrical wiring, adding insulation around a bare wire improves connectivity, and the thicker the insulation, the better the transmission of a signal from point A to point B," says Silveri. "Myelination, or the insulating of axons, allows more rapid and efficient communication between neurons."
Social Anxiety increases as well at this age in life. You are now very concerned with the way people perceive you and you are always wanting to fit into what they crowd likes. This is another section where bad judgement comes into play. You jump on board with your 'friends' to fit in. And not become a joke of the school. 

What I am getting at. The reason Childhood is so fondly remembered from my stand point at least.Is because this is where we grew into what we are today. All the experiences we ever had molded us away from our original from. And made our new John or Jane Doe. 

Did you think of anything in your childhood during this? Did you just maybe even for a second recall a nice Christmas with your family? If so. You went on the journey I wished you could have. You went back even for just a second. To the building blocks of today. The world in which you and the people around you. Created. Welcome to life. Whats next?

                                                                   *Based on personal Belief" 
*A overview of things running in my mind"